And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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