i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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