turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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