Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
