whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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