I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
