How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
