I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
