Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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