so that wasnt chicken after all
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
