I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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