What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is Oprah even human
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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