FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
