Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
