Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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