pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
