ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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