the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize