and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
