Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
