I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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