wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
