hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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