..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
