do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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