I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
