Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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