Define "chronic" masturbator.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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