He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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