I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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