i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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