All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
