Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
