I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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