my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
