If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
