I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
