Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
