WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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