Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
