Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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