evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
