I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
