Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
