can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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