he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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