Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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