So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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