you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
