I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
