you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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