ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
