On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
the condom got lost in my hair
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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