i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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