me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
