How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
