is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
