I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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