Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
