I wish I only lived at night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
