So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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