"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
