so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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