Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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