i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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