Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Randomize
