Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
