OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
