It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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