I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
