Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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