I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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