I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
