He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
