quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
