I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I supernannyed him into submission
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
