i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
