Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
