the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
