I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize