I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
