T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
