hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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