she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
