god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
