I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
