kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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