YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
