Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's like heaven, but drunker
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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