my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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