Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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