she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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