why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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