Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
